'Nobody will ever separate me from this cat': Boyfriend forces his girlfriend to choose between him and her loyal cat, she chooses the cat and finds a better kind of love

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Oct 2, 2026 1:30 PM EDT

The sooner you know your date hates cats, the sooner you can leave them. 

One firm piece of dating advice that we have for any pet owner is to ask your date about pets as soon as possible. This question, in our opinion, is just as important as asking about their interests and about how many kids they want to have. Our pets are our families. If our date has a problem with that, if you don't like cats, that's fine. It simply means that we are incompatible with them, and the sooner we know this, the sooner we can end things with them, and the less it will hurt. 

You don't want to find yourself in a position where your partner hates your cat. That's a disaster waiting to happen. And that is exactly what happened in today's story. Expectations weren't set in time, boundaries weren't drawn firmly enough, and it was enough for one person to hide the fact that they don't like cats from the other for the whole thing to end in an ultimatum. "It's me or the cat". Of course, the answer to an ultimatum like that is always the same. It's always the cat first.

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  • 01

    "My boyfriend is leaving me because of my cat"

    04:11 040 89 140 MANTI 175
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 02
    I have the sweetest cat, which is an ESA (editor's note: emotional support animal). He's friendly with people and so cuddly, I've had him for almost 2 years and even when I couldn't. care for him and risked losing him.
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 03
    I always paid someone to watch him for me. He's my biggest commitment. He's stayed in 5 different houses with various people just so I could keep him.
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 04
    Me and my boyfriend moved in together for only a month, and he's going insane. He hates that the cat goes in the sink and leaves fur everywhere, and he gets annoyed by the sound of his toys and when he knocks stuff over and gets into things.
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 05
    It's just part of having a pet. My boyfriend works from home and feels he has to constantly watch the cat from going in the sink.
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 06
    He also doesn't interact with the cat, so me and my cat are the only ones with a relationship. I'm devastated and don't know what to do or what to say to possibly save the relationship (HE DOESN'T USE THE SINK AS A LITTER BOX. HE JUST SITS IN IT)
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 07
    OOP: Update: My boyfriend is now acting like nothing happened and asking how my day was. How do I bring this up fairly while also stating how ridiculous I find this and how we aren't compatible if I we both I have to deal with this
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10667142912
    via Unsplash / Cheung HoKit - galaxyhunter

    Precious black and white kitten with long and luscious whiskers. 

    Not actual story subjects.

  • 09
    How long has OOP been with her boyfriend before they moved in together? OOP: we had only been together for 4 months prior, I was living in a place with bedbugs so he couldn't come over
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 10
    Commenter 1: Was this not a conversation before moving in together? Obviously your cat is most important here but like did bf go back on his word or something?
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 11
    OOP: I was at risk of losing my cat since I was struggling to find a place to live. That's why we moved in together so soon, it was an act of care from him to help me pay for a place to let me keep the cat. now he's saying he can't live with it like he thought he could.
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 12
    OOP: he is chipped, there are very strict laws in my city about letting cats out and my cat is scared to even go on the balcony. I would never let him outside and I'm sure my boyfriend isn't heartless. enough to do that to me
    via u/Silent-Set-4916

  • So basically, this man doesn't like cats, and this is something that he has failed to inform you about before moving in with you. Red flag is not a strong enough set of words to describe him. This, before I got married, was my worst nightmare. I have heard of so many people getting together with partners who have a problem with their pets, and that is unacceptable. You have a problem with my cat? You have a problem with me. It's okay to be incompatible with someone because of pets. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you will be able to leave them, and the less it will hurt. Always make sure you know your date's stance on pets before getting in too deep with them. 

  • 13
    Cheezburger Image 10667143424
    via Unsplash / Yuriy Vertikov - noa69

    Black and white cat with large eyes against a blurry background. 

    Model portrayal.

  • 14
    Commenter 3: Well, you posted in a Cat subreddit so most comments will be all for keeping the cat and ditching the boyfriend who doesn't like cats, but, if you're looking for advice and not just validation, can the cat stay in a different part of the house just while he works? I also work from home, and it can be exhausting trying to deal with my
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 15
    husband's two cats that only have two modes: Sleeping, and causing mayhem in the house. Sometimes they go in the very spacious spare room while I'm in meetings where they have food, water, toys, litter boxes, and beds. That is how we make it work. If he is not willing to compromise at all then, yes, let him leave and it sounds like you will be better off.
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 16
    OOP: We only have one bedroom the rest of the house is one room with the kitchen. (also the cat is a food thief it's hard to eat without him trying to take food off your plate) we've tried putting him in the bedroom while we eat but it's a sliding door and the cat can open it himself
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 17
    OOP: he sits in the kitchen sink and will go for any pot pan or dish that you leave for a second in the kitchen it's hard to manage sometimes with food
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 18
    Has OOP's boyfriend seen the cat in action as it is normal and basic cat behavior OOP: nope, I lived in a house with bedbugs before, so he really never saw my space. I was skeptical moving in so soon, but he had the mindset "what issues could we possibly have we communicate so well"
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 19
    Cheezburger Image 10667142656
    via Unsplash / Meg MacDonald

    Cute black and white cat lying on a bright blue couch.

    Licensed media provided as editorial context.

  • 20
    Commenter 4: Is you boyfriend leaving you? Or asking you to leave?
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 21
    OOP: Its more he said, "I can't live with this cat" and left for the day and is now pretending like nothing happened. this will definitely be brought up again once we've both processed a bit. we are able to have pretty good communication but I'm not sure if it's possible for us to work through this or if I can do anything to help the situation.
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 22
    It's not quite yet at the point of me being forced to find a new place/ more income but I am definitely taking advice on if it does come to that. I have applied for housing assistance in the past but wasn't able the receive it because money I received from a student award put me over the maximum amount, hopefully now enough time has passed where I qualify
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 23
    Cheezburger Image 10667143680
    via Unsplash / Portia Weiss - pookadook

    Silly black and white cat outside on the grass sticking its tongue out. 

    Photo is a representation of scenes.

  • 24
    My boyfriend is leaving me because of my cat UPDATE Early this year I made a post about how I had recently moved in with my boyfriend, and he was very upset about my cat leaving fur and liking to sit in sink. I wanted to provide an update because It got a lot of views and I want to provide some info in case anyone else gets in a similar position.
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 25
    For some background, I made that post about a month into us moving in together, we had only been together for FOUR months and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I am pretty young and was struggling with having a place to live, I had to separate from my cat for a while I found housing,
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 26
    ended up renting a room and reuniting with him just for the place to have bedbugs, so my boyfriend offered to get a place with me. I felt horrible with keeping my cat in that room all the time so of course I accepted and was excited for my cat to have a condo with space.
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 27
    I made the original post before he had confronted me, but I could tell by things he was saying and acting that he was not enjoying living with a cat, and I was heartbroken and terrified.
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 28
    About a week after I made the post, he came up to me and asked me to rehome my cat and to "really think about my priorities". I was devastated, said that he was breaking my heart and kept saying "it's over its over". He apologized not for what he said but because he "didn't expect me to react like that".
    via u/Silent-Set-4916

  • Really, there was only one choice here, and we are so glad that you made it. Yes, we have a tendency to take the cat's side in every story, and perhaps we're a little biased. But this… was a clear case. This cat had been far more loyal to you and far more beneficial to you than this man ever could have been. And it sounds like you know it too. And like you are purrfectly content with your decision. As you should be. 

  • 29
    O
    via Unsplash / Florian Göpfert - printlinebyflo

    Image of a cute black and white cat playing with a toy. 

    Picture does not depict real parties.

  • 30
    My cat is more than a pet to me, and I know ESA status is a red flag to some people on here, but this cat is genuinely for my mental health, I have never used ESA status to get him in housing, everywhere we have stayed is pet friendly. he runs up to me when I have panic attacks :)
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 31
    My boyfriend later told me that he had fought the urge to "leave the patio door open and put him outside" but that he would never do it. That horrified me, but I stood my ground that this cat is part of me. I barely left the house after that, I was so scared of something happening to my baby.
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 32
    The relationship continued to go downhill, I think partially due to my mental health declining over stressing about the safety of my cat. more and more control issues started showing up too.
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 33
    but then the weirdest thing happened. He started to love my cat. by the time our lease was ending at 3 months, he told me he was going to miss my cat and if he could have him visit his place on weekends?? I still don't understand to this day, he claims if there was a door so he could lock the cat away from kitchen sink he would have no issues.
    via u/Silent-Set-4916
  • 34
    Anyways me and my cat have our own place to ourselves now and we are both happier than ever, no more boyfriend either :) nobody will ever separate me from this cat. my conclusion is that if a man expects you to desert your cat for him, there is some serious control issues going on.
    via u/Silent-Set-4916

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